Dramatis Personae
For lack of anything better to write, I submit for your approval a brief description of important persons in my life.
Roommates
Steph: I am going to make a T-shirt that says "I agree with Steph." This will be alternated with my "My face is up here" T-shirt, and my "Who would Jesus bomb?" shirt (with picture of President Bush) will be sprinkled in when I'm feeling really subversive. Steph wants to work in the front office of a baseball team, and I'm damn sure she's going to do it. She's also half-Mexican, and so gets a tan anytime she even THINKS about the sun, for which I will forever hate her.*
Liz: is from Alabama. She once ran buck-naked into a barbed-wire fence during a party. What was a barbed-wire fence doing at a party, you ask? It's Alabama, I reply. Also, her next-door neighbor cut down all the trees in Liz's front yard in the middle of the night, then chased Liz's mom around with an axe. In news not dealing with crazy people from Alabama, Liz is really amazing at PacMan. She also stood up and ran off the end of her bed last month--fast asleep.
Swarna: once levitated, then floated around her room. She was a baby. It was really cool. She also has about 15 grad students pursuing her at any given time, and a pact to marry Ansel when he turns 25 (see below).
Jill: is making a movie as her senior thesis. The script is awesome. It's about a woman who's pregnant and freaking out. It would win an Academy Award, if anyone besides the art department and our blocking group were to see it, and if the Academy had any sense. Although at least they didn't pick The Aviator--I haven't seen it, but all Leonardo DiCaprio movies (with the notable exception of What's Eating Gilbert Grape, in which he played a retarded kid) make me want to vomit. Jill's boyfriend is Robbie, who's a few years older, wicked cool, and has this absolutely adorable patch of white hair above his right temple. They are SO cute. (I just said "SO cute." Yuck.)
Boys
Ansel: plans to marry at 24 (see above). He's basically our roommate, though he hasn't been around as much lately. He's Steph's best friend, and perhaps the most beloved person I've ever met. Seriously. I've never seen so many people get excited when someone walks into the room. Nevertheless, he's extremely self-effacing and won't admit how awesome he is (the nerve!). Also, according to a girl from his hometown (also Steph's hometown), he's hung like a horse and apparently very skilled at...um...woodworking. (Can you hear the quotation marks in my voice?)
Brian: is my boyfriend. He's studying abroad in England. I'm going to visit him during Spring Break, and I'm going to bang the shit out of him. Yeah, baby.
Zach, Dave, Chris: Brian's roommates. Cool guys. Zach sometimes likes to make people cry, but is secretly a sweetheart. Also, for the ladies out there, he's quite handsome and wants to be a doctor. His ex-girlfriend must've been INSANE. Dave is Brian's actual roommate; his girlfriend is Adanna, and I'm not sure where they are most of the time.
Family
Danielle: My sister, my doppelganger. Visiting March 12-19. Will probably have more fun here in one week than I've had in four years.
Mom: One of my best friends, but not in a weird way.
*Note: I don't actually hate Steph. In fact, all my roommates are fantastic. But you're not allowed to say things like this; it's just not cool.
Roommates
Steph: I am going to make a T-shirt that says "I agree with Steph." This will be alternated with my "My face is up here" T-shirt, and my "Who would Jesus bomb?" shirt (with picture of President Bush) will be sprinkled in when I'm feeling really subversive. Steph wants to work in the front office of a baseball team, and I'm damn sure she's going to do it. She's also half-Mexican, and so gets a tan anytime she even THINKS about the sun, for which I will forever hate her.*
Liz: is from Alabama. She once ran buck-naked into a barbed-wire fence during a party. What was a barbed-wire fence doing at a party, you ask? It's Alabama, I reply. Also, her next-door neighbor cut down all the trees in Liz's front yard in the middle of the night, then chased Liz's mom around with an axe. In news not dealing with crazy people from Alabama, Liz is really amazing at PacMan. She also stood up and ran off the end of her bed last month--fast asleep.
Swarna: once levitated, then floated around her room. She was a baby. It was really cool. She also has about 15 grad students pursuing her at any given time, and a pact to marry Ansel when he turns 25 (see below).
Jill: is making a movie as her senior thesis. The script is awesome. It's about a woman who's pregnant and freaking out. It would win an Academy Award, if anyone besides the art department and our blocking group were to see it, and if the Academy had any sense. Although at least they didn't pick The Aviator--I haven't seen it, but all Leonardo DiCaprio movies (with the notable exception of What's Eating Gilbert Grape, in which he played a retarded kid) make me want to vomit. Jill's boyfriend is Robbie, who's a few years older, wicked cool, and has this absolutely adorable patch of white hair above his right temple. They are SO cute. (I just said "SO cute." Yuck.)
Boys
Ansel: plans to marry at 24 (see above). He's basically our roommate, though he hasn't been around as much lately. He's Steph's best friend, and perhaps the most beloved person I've ever met. Seriously. I've never seen so many people get excited when someone walks into the room. Nevertheless, he's extremely self-effacing and won't admit how awesome he is (the nerve!). Also, according to a girl from his hometown (also Steph's hometown), he's hung like a horse and apparently very skilled at...um...woodworking. (Can you hear the quotation marks in my voice?)
Brian: is my boyfriend. He's studying abroad in England. I'm going to visit him during Spring Break, and I'm going to bang the shit out of him. Yeah, baby.
Zach, Dave, Chris: Brian's roommates. Cool guys. Zach sometimes likes to make people cry, but is secretly a sweetheart. Also, for the ladies out there, he's quite handsome and wants to be a doctor. His ex-girlfriend must've been INSANE. Dave is Brian's actual roommate; his girlfriend is Adanna, and I'm not sure where they are most of the time.
Family
Danielle: My sister, my doppelganger. Visiting March 12-19. Will probably have more fun here in one week than I've had in four years.
Mom: One of my best friends, but not in a weird way.
*Note: I don't actually hate Steph. In fact, all my roommates are fantastic. But you're not allowed to say things like this; it's just not cool.
posted by A at 11:33 PM
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