This is a true story

What a week. Or rather, few weeks. My mom, dad, sister, and grandmother arrived last Tuesday for my graduation. I knew that my parents were getting their marriage dissolved and fully supported the decision (which was primarily my mother's; my dad is a world-class asshole, and I would've divorced him years ago if he weren't paying my bills). But I'd asked not to know the details since, after all, divorce/dissolution is often necessary but sort of messy, like mucking stalls or throwing away used condoms.

In any event, I found out on Tuesday night that my (remember: world-class asshole) father has been having an affair for the last four months. Besides the fact that it's totally disgusting that anyone wants to sleep with my father, this is the icing on the whole treating-your-family-like-shit cake. Yum. The interesting part is that my family has generally gone about their usual business, knowing that he's out with his new mistress (hell, let's use her name: June). His attitudes and actions, however reprehensible, are completely without consequences.

Naturally, I let him have it. I didn't even have to yell; I just told him exactly what I thought of him. (Hey, he was the one who wanted to "have a talk" with me.) Ten years of seeing her mother treated like an idiot can really make a girl angry. So my mom, sister, and I decided not to go with my father and grandmother to the Cape and my mom and sister bought plane tickets back to Ohio for later in the week.

Now, here's where the story gets interesting. After he'd returned to Ohio, but while my mom was still in Cambridge, my dad text-messaged her, "I thought you might be having second thoughts. Let me know if you want to try again." (Internal monologue: Oh, gross.) Better, yet, after he picked my mom up at the airport on Wednesday, the following dialogue ensued:

Dad: So, did you get my text message?
Mom: Yes.
Dad: What do you think? Can we try to keep our family together? (Cue sappy-ass violin.)
Mom: I've tried for 10 years to make this marriage work, but it's over.
Dad: Oh. Well, I hope I haven't ruined things with June, then. (Sappy-ass violin comes to a screeching halt, perhaps with some sort of crunching noise.)
Mom (sarcastically): Well, maybe you should call her. I'm sure she'd understand that you were trying to "keep your family together."

At this point, MY DAD GOES TO CALL HIS MISTRESS!!!

[After a few minutes, Dad returns.]

Mom: So, how'd it go?
Dad: Well, she was happy to take me back.
Mom: Umm...that's fabulous.

Yes, this actually happened. I swear. I talked to my mom last night, and she told me the whole story. I was horrified, but not particularly surprised. There are, really, no words.

Save the Empire

This is my first post in about two months, primarily because Ansel started evaluating my blog in the real world (comments of the "that post was (un)funny" variety). This creates the need to be amusing because my work is being scrutinized. I have since removed the link to this blog from my Facebook profile, and no longer have any readers. I am therefore free to be as unfunny as I wish. Damn the Man(sel).

I skipped the Last Chance Dance last night to hang with Steph and her friend Keli, who just graduated from Trinity. Steph wants me to marry Keli, mostly so that she can marry his younger brother, Tonga. This sounds silly and complicated, but she's about 99 percent serious. The idea has its advantages: Keli's pretty hot (in addition to being musically gifted), and it would facilitate Steph's dating Tonga (a match of which I wholeheartedly approve; by way of explication, Keli used to be in love with Steph, so he won't completely approve of them until he's dating someone himself). On the negative side, I don't think Brian would go for the idea. This is all very Pride and Prejudice. (Speaking of which: Does anyone actually like that book? Besides doe-eyed English majors, that is? Blech.)