What Dani Did(n't?)

It has been eighteen days since my last posting, primarily because Ansel told Steph and Travis (her ex/stunt partner from the cheerleading team) about my blog, even though I asked him not to. Because they are lovely people, Steph and Travis pretended to think it was funny, but since then I've been too goddamn embarrassed to post again. Ansel, of course, has argued that it makes no sense to stop posting just because I now have readers. He thinks that's logical or something, but surely you, my nonexistent readers, know better.

My sister, Danielle, visited me this past week. The visit was a success in that she managed not to mention the Glo-Bug incident from my childhood and my friends managed not to mention a more recent incident with a shuttle bus. Dani (as she hates to be called) did, however, manage to spend more total hours with my friend Zach than she did with me. What they did during those hours I will not ponder, and I will thank you (not) to do the same. (The grammar of that sentence is specious, but in sum I ask that you not use the words "fuck" and "sister" in the same sentence.)

Speaking of non sequiturs, I think Ansel and I might be identical twins. The evidence is uncontestable: we are both from the Midwest, work for Let's Go, catch an inordinate number of pop culture/historical references in Family Guy, and smile a lot. We even received the same SAT score. It's just like the time Jennifer Garner stalked my life (we were both born in WV and grew up in Ohio, have mothers who teach and fathers who were trained as engineers, and my sister goes to the same college that she attended). Weird, huh?

Having drowned my liver on Wednesday and Thursday nights, I wasn't planning on going out tonight, but there may be something in the works. Also, I need to remind myself to get some cookies or other snacks for a girl at work who just broke up with her boyfriend and was very sad during interviews today. Ansel, since you're the only person who could potentially be reading this, could you remind me tomorrow? Thanks.

Dramatis Personae

For lack of anything better to write, I submit for your approval a brief description of important persons in my life.

Roommates

Steph: I am going to make a T-shirt that says "I agree with Steph." This will be alternated with my "My face is up here" T-shirt, and my "Who would Jesus bomb?" shirt (with picture of President Bush) will be sprinkled in when I'm feeling really subversive. Steph wants to work in the front office of a baseball team, and I'm damn sure she's going to do it. She's also half-Mexican, and so gets a tan anytime she even THINKS about the sun, for which I will forever hate her.*

Liz: is from Alabama. She once ran buck-naked into a barbed-wire fence during a party. What was a barbed-wire fence doing at a party, you ask? It's Alabama, I reply. Also, her next-door neighbor cut down all the trees in Liz's front yard in the middle of the night, then chased Liz's mom around with an axe. In news not dealing with crazy people from Alabama, Liz is really amazing at PacMan. She also stood up and ran off the end of her bed last month--fast asleep.

Swarna: once levitated, then floated around her room. She was a baby. It was really cool. She also has about 15 grad students pursuing her at any given time, and a pact to marry Ansel when he turns 25 (see below).

Jill: is making a movie as her senior thesis. The script is awesome. It's about a woman who's pregnant and freaking out. It would win an Academy Award, if anyone besides the art department and our blocking group were to see it, and if the Academy had any sense. Although at least they didn't pick The Aviator--I haven't seen it, but all Leonardo DiCaprio movies (with the notable exception of What's Eating Gilbert Grape, in which he played a retarded kid) make me want to vomit. Jill's boyfriend is Robbie, who's a few years older, wicked cool, and has this absolutely adorable patch of white hair above his right temple. They are SO cute. (I just said "SO cute." Yuck.)

Boys

Ansel: plans to marry at 24 (see above). He's basically our roommate, though he hasn't been around as much lately. He's Steph's best friend, and perhaps the most beloved person I've ever met. Seriously. I've never seen so many people get excited when someone walks into the room. Nevertheless, he's extremely self-effacing and won't admit how awesome he is (the nerve!). Also, according to a girl from his hometown (also Steph's hometown), he's hung like a horse and apparently very skilled at...um...woodworking. (Can you hear the quotation marks in my voice?)

Brian: is my boyfriend. He's studying abroad in England. I'm going to visit him during Spring Break, and I'm going to bang the shit out of him. Yeah, baby.

Zach, Dave, Chris: Brian's roommates. Cool guys. Zach sometimes likes to make people cry, but is secretly a sweetheart. Also, for the ladies out there, he's quite handsome and wants to be a doctor. His ex-girlfriend must've been INSANE. Dave is Brian's actual roommate; his girlfriend is Adanna, and I'm not sure where they are most of the time.

Family

Danielle: My sister, my doppelganger. Visiting March 12-19. Will probably have more fun here in one week than I've had in four years.

Mom: One of my best friends, but not in a weird way.

*Note: I don't actually hate Steph. In fact, all my roommates are fantastic. But you're not allowed to say things like this; it's just not cool.